Family values: how to show your child their importance
Family gives us a lot: spiritual closeness, support, happy moments that only you understand, mutual help, understanding. Being in a family, a child learns to accept himself and others, respect people and the world around him, express emotions and resolve conflicts, feels like a part of a larger whole, and understands that someone will always come to his aid.
An important part of this layer of knowledge acquired in the family is family values. This could be traditions, the manner of communication between family members, the way of resolving conflicts, the distribution of responsibilities and much more. Sometimes something that is not obvious to an outsider, but is of great importance to you, becomes valuable (for example, a morning greeting, celebrating the anniversary of the day your parents met, etc.). Their main purpose is to bring together all members of one group, ensure continuity between generations, and help show individuality.
Why is it necessary to show values and talk about them?
It seems that values “take root” in the mind of a little person by themselves, but this is not so: older participants in the “pride” will have to make an effort to convey their importance to the child.
Firstly, your own example works great: if you are not attached to tradition or even strongly against it, the child will feel this and will be disoriented (why should he follow tradition if you don’t follow it).
Secondly, most often family treasures are not grandma’s album or grandpa’s medals, but intangible substances: a story that happened a hundred years ago, a legend that is difficult to understand without outside help, a strudel recipe that has been passed down from mouth to mouth for hundreds of years. If you don’t tell your little one about this, don’t explain it, there is a chance that he simply won’t understand it, which means it will be difficult for him to join in.
Thirdly, family values are based not only on social, historical, religious norms - each family contributes something of its own. If an inquisitive mind can read about the religious or historical component in a book or on the Internet, then adults should help figure out the unique “component”.
How to do this?
The universal recipe is a strong personal example, sincere conversations and trusting relationships. But there are also a few “tricks” that will undoubtedly help:
Be open - tell your child about your life and the life of previous generations. Tell us about the history of the emergence of values (for example, Saturday dinners with the whole family or the obligatory kiss before going to bed), tell how they influenced your life, how they helped in solving a difficult life problem. This will not only teach the child, but also strengthen your own authority.
Don't push. Sometimes teenagers rebel against generally accepted values in order to stand out, to emphasize their authenticity and otherness. At such moments, there is no need to act impudently: the child will understand that the culture carried by the parents does not suit him, and will begin to move away. In such situations, a teenager should know that the family will support him, understand and help him in any situation. And through realizing this, he will come to support values, an awareness of belonging.
Come up with new values together with your child. Who doesn’t want to become the “author” of a tradition that his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren may follow? Let's take traditions for example. You can create them yourself “from scratch”, based on some successful solution. Let's say you like the idea of always leaving the house with your baby in the morning - why not make it permanent? You can also use a ready-made solution. Let's say last September 1st you invited friends with children - and it was really fun. The children were actively “catching up” (back to school tomorrow, but there were so many games left unplayed!), and the parents talked about their own things – fears, joys, worries, supported each other and shared experiences. Why not repeat this every September 1st? You can also “spy” on the tradition. For example, your friends spend one summer week at a village dacha - without smartphones, tablets or TVs. Or they go hiking every August 30th. Or they have picnics on Saturdays. Or on Sunday evenings a large family gathers to play board games. Or on May 9 they give flowers to veterans. Perhaps some of this will become your tradition. By the way, during the search process, remember that a family tradition should bring joy to everyone: if you love noisy holidays, and your child would be more happy to spend September 1 in his room reading a book, it’s better to come up with something else.
Have dinner together. Dinners together, regardless of the weather outside, mood or plans for tomorrow, are an excellent family value. It brings us closer together. For example, over tea you can discuss a weekend getaway, calmly and peacefully resolve a conflict situation, share painful issues, help deal with a difficult situation, or discuss a gift for grandma’s anniversary.
Say hello and goodbye with joy, sincerely. This forms a positive worldview: a child who has been wished a good mood and hugged will go to kindergarten or school in a great mood, will be confident in his abilities - of course, because he has such support behind him. A caring good night wish pacifies, relieves anxiety and worry.
Put together a family tree. The “roots” of many families go back centuries - it’s great when children know not only about their grandparents, but also about their “great-great-great” ones too. Some families make a birthday tree: the date of birth is indicated under the photo of each family member. This way, children will be aware and will be able to congratulate sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles on their own. After all, this is important both for the person being congratulated and for the one congratulating.
Leave sweet messages if you can't be there. For example, if the mother is on a business trip, you can send supportive SMS to the child or call each other in the evenings. Or you can create a box of emotions: when the child gets bored, he will open the box and find there a sincere gift and a small letter from his mother. This way the baby will know that his family is nearby, even if there are thousands of kilometers between you.
Why is it important?
Firstly, awareness of belonging to a group, knowledge of one’s own characteristics helps the child form emotional intelligence and develop empathy, which will become a reliable help in the future, when the baby becomes an adult and sets out on a new life.
Secondly, every parent wishes their child not only happiness and a successful career, but also a strong family. And so that the child knows how to build it correctly, he needs an example. It's great if this example is yours.
